why i became a nurse...

When I was a Junior in high school, my mom become pregnant and gave birth to her 8th child. My mother had a healthy pregnancy, so no one, not even the doctors could have predicted what was about to happen. There were a lot of complications with the birth, since my mom had previously been pregnant seven times. On top of that, she was 42 years old. This is slightly older than the national average age of women who give birth. And with increased age, comes increased risk for complications. My brother, Beckett Flynn, was born at Wauseon Hospital and was not breathing at birth. He was immediately Life-Flighted to Mott Children's Hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan where they admitted him to the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). My mother's amniotic sac had burst during labor, and the toxins had gotten into her blood stream. The survival rate for this type of incident is about 2%. That's a 98% mortality rate. Everything spiraled down from there and we thought we might lose her. I've never been more scared in my entire life. The thought of losing my angel mother almost paralyzed me. Thankfully, Wauseon humbly recognized that they lacked the technology and tools to properly treat my mother, so she was flown to Toledo Hospital where they could better care for her. Now 100 miles from my brother, she fought for her life while Beckett did the same from a state away. The nurses at Mott Children's provided my brother and my family with amazing care. They attended to our every need and made sure we were being taken care of at all times. From that point on, I knew that this was my calling. I wanted to be a nurse, I wanted to help others; and nothing would stand in my way. 

My mother and baby brother made it, and Beckett is no longer a 'baby'. He is now almost 6 years old and going into the first grade in the fall. He along with my 6 other brothers and sisters, is the light of my life and the reason for all that I do. when I graduate and become a Registered Nurse, it will have been because of him and the inspiration he caused in me. Not everyone gets a second chance at life. But when you, do make sure you stop and thank the one that granted it to you. Life is beautiful, and an extremely precious thing. Never take it for granted. <3

the perfect day.

Clammy hands.
"Yes, always."
Full moon.

Life is more Beautiful with him.

the twin i never had.

Lilly.
I haven't even started saying what i want to say and I've already got a tear running down my cheek! I just wanted to tell you, I am so incredibly proud of you. As you continue to grow with each day, I see more and more of myself in you. You're a strong, intelligent young woman with a lot of living to do ahead of you. You have the ability to do anything you put your mind to, and I know you will. Stand up for what you believe in, even if you stand alone. You're one of my best friends and I could not ask for a better sister. 
I love you Lilly pad. ♥

while sitting in class, pondering life...

I don't know where to start with this, so I'm just going to write...
I wish you knew just how much you mean to me. I know sometimes I'm a little crazy and slightly bitchy. And I'm sorry for that. I love you too much to be acting that way and someone as wonderful as you shouldn't have to put up with that.With that said, you are the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. My whole life, or at least the majority of it, I've felt like I was living someone else's life. Someone who was a pretty "plain Jane". Almost submissive to everyone around her. God knows that's not me at all. Since I met you, I feel like the old me. The real Emily. Not the one who was cold and empty inside. I feel happier, more accomplished, and feel like I can enjoy life and love again. And I know I can because I most definitely love you. More than I've ever loved anyone before. I have never been one to make perfect decisions. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. But you. Being with you is the best choice I've ever made. You literally have saved my soul, my life, from being a meaningless one. Because of you I have a life. I'm no longer just a body, empty, doing her time on Earth. Now, I'm alive.
I love you, beautiful boy. You make my Life Beautiful.

a new chapter.

Alright. It's been a while since I've written anything significant oh this blog. But, as my life is about to change in a big way, I feel it's only right that I start writing again. I'm going to want this for later anyways, when I'm older. Meh, "older". What a horrid word. Right now, at this moment, I'm realizing that "older" has already come. I'm about to accomplish my life dreams. things that when I was little I said I would do "when I grow up". Well now I'm grown up...and it's a strange thing to be...


Sidenote. It has been 121 days since my 21st birthday. 21. My lucky number. On with it...


College:
Exactly six weeks from today, 42 days, I will be walking off the stage, diploma in hand. I will finally be a BGSU grad. I have dreamed of graduating from BG, like my parents, since the day I was old enough to grasp the concept of college. I will have my BSN. A nurse, who would have ever thought. Mom asked me the day I was accepted to the program if I was completely sure, adding, "Are you sure this is what you want to do? Wouldn't you be happier doing something like fashion merchandising?" Seriously mom? I was sure as ever. Nursing was the only thing I'd ever wanted to do. Besides my 4-year-old self wanting to become a ballerina. After five years of preparing for this, and three different colleges, I'm finally about to do it. Its been such a long and difficult road, but so worth it. Between the horrid clinical instructors, grumpy nurses on the units, and long list of classes I came so close to failing, I'm glad to be finishing up. I just hope im capable of being all I want to be, and making everyone proud. That's all I've ever wanted, to make my family proud of me.


Love:
The topic of love and relationships has not been as easy one for me in the past year. After getting out of a relationship that should have ended years ago, I have started to feel this new sense of extreme liberation. Relationships like my last one are rough to go through, but they help you realize everything you don't want in life. Literally everything. I wasted a lot of time, but I learned a lot. And I will never regret my past for that reason. Last April while out with some friends, I met a boy. A boy whose presence was so insignificant that I didn't even think about him after we all parted ways that night. No numbers were exchanged, no adding each other on Facebook. Nothing. I didn't even know his name. It wouldn't be until five months later that I would see him again. Fast forward to September 9th, 2011. I'm on a trip with some friends. the same group of friends I had been with in April. we're sitting around, setting up our tents, making food, then a black cadillac pulls up and three boys get out of the car. Two of them look unfamiliar, but the third one I have seen before. It's him. Ergys. I know his name now and he looks just the way I remembered him, but this time something is different about him. I search to try to figure out what it is, but I cant figure it out. The weekend goes on and we exchange a few words, mostly poking fun at each other. Sunday comes and once again we all part ways. but this time I'm thinking about him. And quite often. I keep telling myself that I'm probably not going to see him again and to get my head on straight and stop swooning like a school-girl. But nothing works. His voice, his eyes, his smile are all burned into my memory. Eventually we become "facebook friends" and start talking, nothing serious. Then BAM! Fast forward again to today. This person, this man, is now the love of my life, everything I've ever wanted in a partner. He's my best friend and my lover. And I could not ask for more. It's amazing how timing effect things. The first time I met him, we were nothing to each other, completely insignificant. Now he's my everything, more than just significant. I can't see myself spending my days with anyone other than him.


Life:
As I already mentioned, timing is key. You can try and try for something, but if the timing's off, forget it. Keep calm and go with the flow. Resist much and obey none. Everything works out in the end, I promise. For some life can be a cruel thing. but after all the darkness, after all I've been through, I still choose to believe that 
            Life is beautiful.

Life is to short to be anything by happy.